FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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