I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
