You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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