I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
