u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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