Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
