What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
