"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well you can't waste a boner
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
