Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
