I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
