i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
