woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
