see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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