fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She is in my trunk
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
