This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
