omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
