So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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