If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
