Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
