It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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