Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
