i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
