how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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