i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
