Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The uberlube is also flammable
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
