i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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