I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
