It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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