My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
