I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
