Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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