I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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