I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
