Rock
Scissors
Fuck
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
