I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
