i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
