laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
