I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
