Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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