Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
