just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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