We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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