MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
