my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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