Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
