We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
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