Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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