You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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