Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
