did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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