What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
