Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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